Table of Contents
Laughter is the best medicine, they say. But what if the jokes are so funny they make you want to reach for actual medicine? Well, buckle up, because we’re about to embark on a journey through the cornfield of comedy!
The Art of the Corny Joke
Let’s face it: telling a good joke is harder than trying to eat soup with a fork. But when it comes to corny jokes, the bar is so low it’s practically underground. These are the kind of jokes that make your friends and family simultaneously roll their eyes and burst into laughter.
You don’t need a degree in comedy to pull off these zingers. In fact, the worse they are, the better they work! These funny jokes are perfect for breaking the ice, lightening the mood, or just annoying your coworkers until they beg you to stop.
So, without further ado, let’s dive into this cornucopia of corniness!
Best Corny Jokes of All Time
- Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
- How do you make an egg-roll?
You push it!
- What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
- What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
- RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
- Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
- What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
- Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
- What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
- What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
- What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
- What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
- What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
- Why was the fish’s grades bad?
They were below sea level.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1forrest1.
- What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
- Why shouldn’t you use a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
- What do you call a pig that practices karate?
A pork chop.
- What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
- Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
- Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
- What did one wall say to the other?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
- What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
- Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRR!
- What do cows read the most?
Cattle-logs.
- I lost an electron.
You really have to keep an ion them!
- What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunder pants!
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
- How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
- What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
- What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
- Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
- Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
Too many ears.
- Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
- What does a spy do when he is cold?
He goes undercover.
- How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
- If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes.
- What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.
- Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
- What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
He has a meltdown.
- What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
Stairs.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
- What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
Swimming trunks.
- What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?
Oh snap.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
- Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants.
- Where does the general put his armies?
In his sleevies.
- What do you call a magician that looses his magic?
Ian.
- What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
Namaste.
- How do rabbits travel?
By hareplanes.
- Why did the kid stock up on yeast?
He wanted to make some dough.
- What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
- Why are elephants wrinkly?
Because you can’t iron them.
- What did the cake say to the fork?
You want a piece of me?
- How did the two cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
- What’s black and white and read all over?
A newspaper!
- How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut!
- What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
58!
- What did the nut say to the other nut in a game of tag?
Imma cashew!
- Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
- Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
- Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?
It’s a big waist of space.
- What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
- Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero!
- How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the udder!
- What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me!
- Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don’t know the words!
- Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
They lactose.
- What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
- How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water.
- What job did the frog have at the hotel?
Bellhop.
- What kind of car does an egg drive?
A yolkswagen.
- Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally!
- What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
- What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk!
- Why was the bee’s hair always sticky?
He used a honeycomb.
- What do you call an alligator detective?
An investi-gator.
- What vegetables are a sailor’s enemies?
Leeks
- What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
The glitterbug.
- Where do roses sleep at night?
In their flowerbed.
- Why was the politician out of breath?
He was running for office.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
- Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet koalafications.
- What classical ballet did the pig pen perform?
Swine Lake.
- What’s a ballerina’s favorite number?
Two-two.
- How did the duck buy lipstick?
She just put it on her bill.
- What steals from you when you’re in your bathtub?
A robber duckie.
- What kind of dog tells time?
A watch dog.
- How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.
- Why does a tiger have stripes?
So he will not be spotted.
- What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam!
- What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
- Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
Because it ran out of juice!
- What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spec-tater!
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
- What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
- Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
- What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
- Why did the gym close down?
It just didn’t work out.
- What do you call a bear with no ears?
B.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
- What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
- What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A sham rock.
- Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter!
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
- Why did the volcano break up with the geyser?
It thought the relationship was too volatile.
- What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?
Sorry, my fault!
- Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
- What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite!
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
- What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A Dell rolling in the deep.
- Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
- Why did the smartphone go to therapy?
It had too many issues.
- What do you call a computer superhero?
The LAN-tern.
- What do you call a group of musical smartphones?
A cell-phony orchestra.
- Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus!
- What do you call a computer that sings?
A Dell.
- Why did the robot go back to school?
To improve its AI-Q.
- What do you call a computer mouse that swears?
A cursor.
- Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its web-site.
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- Why did the Easter egg hide?
It was a little chicken.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
- Why did the turkey join a band?
Because it had drumsticks.
- What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
- Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
- What do you call a Christmas tree with no ornaments?
Au naturel.
- Why did the Valentine’s Day card go to school?
To get more sentimental.
- Why was the leprechaun so good at gardening?
He had a green thumb.
- What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.
- Why did the firework go to the doctor?
It was feeling a little sparkly.
- What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
- Why did the Jack-o’-lantern go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with.
- What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
- Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
- What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck.
- What kind of music do planets listen to?
Neptunes!
- Why did the musicians stop playing?
They were in treble.
- What do you call a musician with a cold?
A “Sick-sophone” player.
- Why did the DJ go to the farm?
To drop some sick beets.
- What do you call a rock star with no money?
A broke-n record.
- Why did the guitar player get arrested?
For playing with minor chords.
- What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
- Why did the piano player break up with his girlfriend?
Because she couldn’t handel his fugues.
- What do you call a band playing on a cruise ship?
The High Seas.
- Why did the drummer get fired from the baked goods store?
He kept getting the beets mixed up.
- What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
- Why did the violinist go to the gym?
To work on his chin-ups.
- What do you call a trumpet player who only plays one note?
A mono-phonist.
- Why did the conductor go to the bank?
To get his quarter note.
- Why don’t scientists trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
- What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the ‘P’ is silent.
- What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
- What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
- Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
- What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
- What did corn say when it got a compliment?
Aw, shucks!
- Why was the tomato blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumbly.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
- What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality!
- Why was the gym full of people eating fruit?
It was berry season!
- What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry!
- Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
- What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
- How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
- Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso.
- How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
- Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired!
- Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
He was a little shellfish!
- When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
- Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
- Which bear is the most condescending?
A pan-duh!
- Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
- What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
Remember, the key to telling these corny jokes is all in the delivery. Practice your timing, perfect your deadpan expression, and soon you’ll be the king or queen of funny comedy!
So go forth and spread laughter (and groans) wherever you go. After all, in a world full of serious news and constant stress, sometimes we all need a good, cheesy joke to brighten our day.
And if anyone complains about your jokes, just tell them, “I’m not a comedian, I’m a com-egg-dian!” Then run away quickly before they throw tomatoes at you.
Happy joking!
You Might Also Like:
Recent Posts
- Keanu Reeves’ Girlfriend Alexandra Grant: A Hollywood Love Story
- Zendaya and Tom Holland’s Relationship Timeline: From Co-Stars to Couple
- Songs of Summer 2024: The Ultimate Playlist—Anthems You Can’t Escape
- Water Bottle Hygiene: The Shocking Truth About Your Reusable Bottle
